Is This Caring?
by HP Loser
Summary: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince with a special emphasis on Draco Malfoy. Draco is facing the most challenging time of his life and his changes do not go unnoticed. In this story the pressures that Draco faces are observed through the eyes of Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Draco himself.
1. Chapter 1 - Worrisome

**Chapter One: Worrisome**

This is the 5th night in a row I've spent wandering through the castle. I can't tell Ron and Hermione what I'm doing, they already think that I spend way too much of my time following Draco. But they don't understand. I _need_ to figure out what he's up to. What him and his cronies are doing and why they keep disappearing from the map. It shouldn't be possible. I don't know how he's doing it. I just know that he can't possibly be up to anything good. I know that he's a death eater now. Even if Ron and Hermione don't believe it, I know it's true. His whole family is, it only makes sense…

But I'm worried about him. His features have always been sharp… but never this sharp. The bags under his usually bright eyes are bigger than ever, and even his hair seems to be losing it's luster. He even seems to have forgotten about antagonizing me, which I never thought would happen. I just need to know what he's up to… skipping meals by the looks of it… but for what?

Filch comes out from around the corner and I startle, forgetting that I'm invisible. I back into the wall slowly to let him pass. This is the third time tonight that I've almost been caught. I should probably get back to the dormitory, I'm pushing my luck to the point of breaking and the last thing I need right now is to get expelled before I can even find out what he's up to.

The walk back to the common room is uneventful, even the pictures are sleeping and I have no intention of waking them up. These late night walks have definitely made me able to stay quiet. When I get back to the fat lady, she's sleeping as well. I clear my throat. Nothing. I say the password quietly. Nothing. I turn my whisper into a quiet yell and she finally wakes up, enraged at what appears to be thin air for waking her up from her "beauty sleep" (fat lot of help it's been giving her though). I climb up through the portrait hole and then up to the 6th year dormitory. I fold up my invisibility cloak at last, and leave the map and my glasses on the bedside table, then fall asleep to Neville's snores.

At breakfast the next morning I can tell that Hermione is suspicious of me. Ron doesn't notice of course, he can never look past his food while he's eating. The bags under my eyes must be growing. After so many nights with such little amount of sleep, I'm surprised she hasn't asked me about it before, but I'm prepared for her question when she does ask.

"Harry are you alright? You look exhausted"

"Yeah I'm fine, just a bit stressed about the whole Slughorn thing I guess."

"Well you just need to keep trying. Dumbledore's counting on you, so this must be important, but you do need to get some sleep too. You won't be much help to Dumbledore if you're half sleeping every time you're near Slughorn."

Ron butts in.

"Oh Hermione, stop nagging him. Harry's trying. He probably just needs more sausages."

Hermione casts Ron a sinister look, but I laugh and follow his advice, piling more meat onto my plate.

At lunch, Hermione says she's going to head to the library and Ron asks me to go out and practice Quidditch with him, but I refuse, blaming it on my tiredness and tell them both I'm going to head back up to the common room for a quick nap before Potions.

Hermione says that's a good idea. I'll be more energized for Slughorn and might have more luck with the memory, but Ron seems bummed out. I feel awful lying to them like this, but they just don't understand. I hurry back up to the Common Room, like i told them, but instead of grabbing a nap, i grab my cloak and the map. Before leaving, I look all over the map for Malfoy, and finally spot him. I watch him walking down a corridor, but then he vanishes. I throw on the cloak and hurry to the spot where he disappeared. I look all down the hallway, but the only person in sight is a first year girl, who looks startled just at the sight of me. Probably the 6th year thing.

What a waste of time. I would have been better off if I actually did take the nap. Too late now though I suppose. I head back up to the common room to stow away my cloak and grab my books. I take the map with me though. I'd like to keep a better eye on Malfoy from now on. He shouldn't just be able to disappear from the map like that. It shouldn't be possible…. but like Lupin said, the map doesn't lie…

When I make it down to potions, Malfoy's already there, but lacking his usual smugness. I don't know what to make of this… why isn't he his usual arrogant self? What's he up to? Why isn't what he's trying to do working?

Potions is a waste of time, it seems to play out the same way every lesson. Malfoy completes his potion with grace and ease, always irritatingly perfect whilst mine is always a jumbled mess of crudely chopped ingredients that Hermione has to fix for me before Snape sees and puts me into _actual_ remedial potions. This year's different of course. Thanks to the Prince's book I can complete my potions with just as much ease (probably not grace though) as Malfoy can, and it wipes the smirk right off of his pretty boy face. Not to mention Slughorn loves me for it. And Malfoy has to go from top of the class with his favourite teacher to out of the running with Slughorn.

His failures make me so happy. Yet he seems to be experiencing more failures right now than usual and it's definitely showing in his features. Seeing him like this makes me a lot less happy about his failures. He's usually just so.. well.. perfect. It seems strange and abnormal to see him doing anything less than emanating more self confidence than a single person should be able to muster. I mean it's not like I care about him or anything.. I'm just a little bit worried is all. That's normal, right? People should be worried about their nemesis?


	2. Chapter 2 - Questionable Activity

**Chapter Two: Questionable Activity**

 **(Hermione POV)**

I'm beginning to become very worried about Harry. He must not be sleeping well, for the bags under his eyes are only continuing to grow. I've tried to discuss this with Ron to see if he knows anything that I don't about Harry but he's been quite oblivious to any change at all. I wish I knew what was troubling him…. he says that he's worried about retaining the memory for Slughorn, which is a very valid thing to be worried about, but knowing Harry that isn't the case.

There seems to be a general lack of sleep all over the castle, for Harry isn't the only one that I've noticed this in. Malfoy's complexion looks as if he's had even less sleep than Harry somehow. Not that I care about that slimy git of course… it just seems very strange. He hasn't been his usual arrogant and obnoxious self lately and I know that I'm not the only one to notice this change. Harry is suspiciously observant of Malfoy these days and I reckon that that has more to do with his lack of sleep than Slughorn's memory does… blimey, and they said that I need to sort out _my_ priorities.

I have a feeling that Harry needs support right now, he certainly isn't doing well, but I'd be lying if I said I'm not irritated with him. It's this stupid "Prince" book. Ron seems to think that the only reason that it irritates me so is because I'm no longer top of the class. That's only partially true however. Okay, I'm a little mad at him for surpassing me by cheating and taking over the spot of Slughorn's favourite but that's hardly the thing that infuriates me about it. It's the whole vibe of the book. It seems to me to be practically screaming that dark magic is hidden somewhere inside of it but of course I'm the only one who sees this!

On the way down to breakfast in the Great Hall, I pass by Malfoy. Two things strike me odd about this situation, the first being the lack of arrogant smirk and name calling that he usually associates with seeing me. The second is that there should be no reason to be going anywhere either than the dungeons or the Great Hall at this time of day… he certainly has no reason to be going upstairs….

At breakfast Harry is poring over his potions textbook again with the Marauder's Map lying open beside him. Last year this would have been very odd behaviour for him but now it's beginning to become the norm, which I find slightly alarming.

"Hey Harry." I say.

He hardly glances up from the textbook and returns my greeting with a friendly sounding grunt. This wouldn't be odd behaviour from Ron, as he would hardly acknowledge an earthquake if it was interrupting his meal, but from Harry it just concerns me further. Following a couple of minutes of awkward silence, he looks up.

"Have you guys seen Malfoy lately?" He asks, probably trying to sound as innocent as possible.

Ron takes no time at all to input his opinion, "Unfortunately. That fat-headed git seems to take pride in getting in our way".

Harry laughs of course but I can't help but ponder his question. Of course we've all seen Malfoy, we most unfortunately have classes with him, but I know that Harry's only asking this question because he thinks that he's up to no good. I can see his reasoning and I understand his suspicion, but I can't help but think that he's wrong. Malfoy seems troubled, and if he is doing something mischievous I highly doubt that he wants to be doing it. Malfoy's been irritatingly confident since I've known him but even that now seems forced… he's beginning to seem… broken. I know that I shouldn't care but seeing somebody so put together falling apart makes my heart ache, no matter how much I hate him. Harry's still staring at me so I should probably say something. Concern is definitely not what he's looking for.

"Why do you ask?"

"Never mind I guess… I just thought he seemed a little off lately. Makes me think he's scheming."

"Harry please, just let it go. I know what you're thinking but it's ridiculous. You're wasting too much time on him when you should be focusing on getting that memory from Slughorn."

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say because all I receive is a glare.

"Honestly, Hermione, just leave it for once. I'm trying, okay?"

Harry storms off and I can't help but be a little angry with myself. I know that he doesn't want to hear it and I should probably stop nagging but if that memory wasn't important Dumbledore would never have asked for it in the first place. If Dumbledore thinks it will help in the downfall of Voldemort, we should trust him and I know that we all want his downfall more than anything, especially Harry after learning about the prophecy.

I love Harry with all my heart of course, and I know that he's brave and strong and a great wizard but I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't terrified for him. Voldemort is terrible but his magic is beyond comprehension. I know that Harry has faced him and gotten away more than once, but there were also so many different factors leading to Harry's escapes. If it is truly Harry or Voldemort in the end then I think that Harry will need all the help that he can get and shouldn't be treating his lessons with Dumbledore lightly.

We have Transfiguration with Slytherin this year and today I can't help but notice Malfoy's absence. It's a big lesson, on the beginnings of Human Transfiguration and I know that he would hate to miss it. You can say many (very very many) bad things about Malfoy but he undeniably takes his school work very seriously and as much as I hate to admit it, he's incredibly talented when it comes to magic. I consider him my only true competition when it comes to the top grade.

I'm not the only one who's noticed his absence because I see Harry once again whip out the map and begin passionately scanning it, undoubtedly for Malfoy's name. He stops looking suddenly and raises his hand in the air. I try to shake my head at him, silently communicating that it isn't worth it but he defiantly sticks his hand further into the air. Bloody Potter.

McGonagall seems to finally notice after a silent battle of gazes between Harry and I.

"What is it now, Potter?"

"Sorry, Professor, I was just wondering if it was alright if I go to the loo."

She nods impatiently and off he goes, and I think for the thousandth time, " _what. an. idiot._ " He left the map open on his desk in his rush to tail Malfoy and I realize that I should probably clear it before it gets confiscated.

Before clearing it, my curiosity overcomes me and I too search for Malfoy's footprints. I find them in a corridor on the Seventh Floor and then watch them vanish.

I realize what this means almost instantly. He's gone to the Room of Requirement, the location of which I've become very familiar with after the countless lessons spent there with the DA last year. I wonder if Harry has pieced this information together, but due to his continuous amazement that Malfoy is frequently unable to be found on the map, I don't think that he has.

Whatever it is that Malfoy is doing up there must be important if he would willingly miss such an important class for it. My only concern at this moment is that it doesn't seem as if he's doing it willingly at all.

Missing class? Losing confidence? Failing to insult muggleborns such as myself? This unmalfoyish behaviour is giving me a strange feeling that I can't quite place. Concern? Disappointment? I'm not sure I've ever felt anything like this before.


	3. Chapter 3 - If Only

**Chapter Three: If Only**

 **(Draco** **'** **s Perspective)**

I wasn't cut out for this life. Only 4 weeks in and I'm already succumbing to the massive stress that this task entails. Each day is becoming more and more desperate and I think I may snap.

If the job itself wasn't bad enough, I'm now losing my only "friends" as well. I say "friends" for lack of a better word. Greg and Vince have been loyal to me as long as I've known them, but I've always felt above them. Talking to them frustrates me greatly sometimes, their intelligence wavering at slightly above troll level. They can be great company and I certainly feel more comfortable when they're around, but I sometimes crave for the ability to have more intellectual conversations.

Lately they've been as loyal as ever but I can tell that their patience with me is wearing quite thin. They've been having to undergo some serious appearance changes (all thanks to polyjuice potion) in order to help me hide my secret and they aren't even able to find out what the secret is.

Sometimes I wish that I could let them in on it, their loyalty has surely proved their worthiness of the truth, but I do understand the Dark Lord's wishes and know that this mission being leaked would have the same end for me as the one specified should the mission fail.

I have Transfiguration with Gryffindor during this time and I've opted not to go. Transfiguration is always a painful class to endure and the fact that it's with the bloody Gryffindors makes it even worse. If I can manage to escape even 75 minutes with that immortal orphan and his insufferable sidekicks it's 75 minutes well spent.

Greg and Vince never made it into the N.E.W.T. class for Transfiguration so I search for them in the Great Hall, knowing that they're probably biding their time by eating the bread and fruit that sits out on the tables during class times and making fun of as many first, second, and third years as they can. Sure enough they haven't let me down and I find their massive figures looming over 2 smaller figures at the Hufflepuff table.

As much as I would love to stick around and enjoy the fun, I have work to do and after giving them each a meaningful look they roughly shove the young ones and get in a couple more inaudible words before departing their entertainment and joining me by the doors of the Hall.

We silently head up to the 7th floor, not even bothering to exchange words as they know by now that asking me the purpose behind their actions is utterly pointless. We make a turn into an out of use classroom on the way and Greg and Vince both pull out matching bottles containing a rather sick looking purple potion that seems to have the texture of something only half mixed. After overly dramatic grimaces at the bottles they both take a swig and instantly begin the grotesque transformation into the 13 year old muggle girls who's hair was in the potion. They change quickly into smaller sets of robes whilst murmuring curses under their breaths that they think I can't hear.

I've seen this transformation many times but each time I'm greatly amused and think of the irony of the two hulking beasts turning into a pair of giggly looking preteens. After their dramatic production and poorly concealed contempt we continue the trek up the many ancient staircases of the castle and finally arrive on the 7th floor, where Greg and Vince separate themselves to either side of the corridor and I begin the walks past a particular spot in the wall and silently begging it to show me a place to hide.

I hear the chime of the clock signifying that class is over some 45 minutes later and have accomplished nothing new on my project. The only thing that I've managed to produce is a new level of frustration. I'll admit, I'm not quite used to this feeling of failure. Usually when I want something accomplished I'm able to accomplish it quickly and without much effort, and I'm not used to things not going my way. Especially when the stakes are higher than ever.

I clamber through the odd rows of junk and make my way towards the exit to join Greg and Vince in the corridor once more.

"Anything odd?" I inquire.

"Nothing really, just Potter again" grunts Vince.

Great. Bloody Potter. The wretched 'Boy Who Lived'. The boy who didn't die was more like it. Constantly snooping, as if that brainless moron would be able to discover anything. Without the help of a certain mudblood he wouldn't have even made it past first year, yet it's always him that seems to receive all the credit. If it weren't for Granger's irritating but brilliant brain that feckless trio wouldn't last a day.

The end of what was supposed to be Transfiguration means it's time for lunch but I've no appetite. After telling Greg and Vince to go down to the hall without me I slowly make my way down to the dungeons, lost in thought about my mission. Never in my life have I felt the need to question myself this much. At this point in time I'm not even sure who I am and I'm definitely not sure of who I should be. I'm starting to realize that I've never once been my own person. I've always done what I can to please my parents, or my professors, or my peers, or whoever really. I've been raised to be a certain way and I'm starting to see that now, more than ever with my impending mission. I feel like a pawn. I can see that I'm simply being used to initiate the first move in a long battle because I'm of no real value, and it's okay if I die.

Coming out of my thought train, everything in my path feels suddenly real. The suits of armour, the portraits on the walls, the handles of the staircases, the cracks in the brick all feel suddenly more present than they were a second ago and they all seem to be judging me. I can't help but scowl and increase my pace, making it to the common room that much quicker.

Once inside I can't help but feel like the walk down here was pointless anyways. I would have a lie down but I know that attempting sleep is pointless anyways and decide to save myself the trouble of unmaking and remaking my bed. Instead I decide to grab both _Hogwarts: A History_ and _Magical Repairs_ and begin skimming over the already familiar pages until my focus begins to become blurry.

Absently running my fingers along the inside of my left arm my mind wanders to what might have happened if things were different. I know that this type of thinking is pointless but still the "what ifs" seem to crash unceasingly into my subconscious.


End file.
